Do people regularly come to you for advice? Do you find yourself regularly sought out by people who just need someone to talk to? Believe it or not, the best advice that you can give someone is no advice at all. The best way to give someone advice is to help them come to their own conclusions. Here are some hints from a trained counselor to help you not give people advice but still help them decide what to do:

1. Try to keep your questions open ended. This will help keep the advice seeker talking and will tell you more about what he/she is thinking and feeling. When you ask questions that can simply be answered with a yes or a no, you won't learn anything. Instead of asking "do you like the idea of this happening?" Try asking "what do you think would happen if you tried this?" or "what do you hope to accomplish if this happens?"

2. Pay attention to body language. When a person has his arms or legs crossed it means that they aren't feeling open or receptive to you and your conversation. Sure, sometimes sitting "all closed up" can mean that the person is simply cold, but more often than not the "closed" stance is because the person is subconsciously trying to end the conversation or keep what you are saying from sinking in.

At the same time, you need to pay attention to your own body language. If you are fidgeting or sitting "all closed up" the person you are talking to might think that you do not want to be a part of the conversation or that you do not like him. You also want to make regular eye contact with the person. Constantly staring him or her in the eyes might feel a little bit creepy, but if your eyes are constantly moving around, the person you are talking to won't feel confident that he or she has your attention.

3. Remember that the situation is not about you, it is about them. You might be tempted to talk about your own experiences, especially if the situation your advice seeker is in feels similar to something you have experienced. Try to keep in mind that the conversation is not about you or your expertise; it is about helping the other person come to a conclusion about actions he or she needs to take. If the conversation turns to you, simply turn it back to the other person. A simple "I understand I've been through something similar, but we're talking about you right now" is usually enough to return the conversation to the other person's needs.

Giving good advice is as much about listening to the other person and helping that person come to his or her own conclusions as it is about appearing smart and worldly. Usually someone will know what he or she has to do; he or she just needs to be led there via a conversation. Believe it or not, often the best advice is not advice at all!

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